You know that gnawing feeling when you’re driving home from another activity session, wondering if your child is actually getting anything out of it? One week they’re bouncing with excitement, the next they’re dragging their feet, and you’re left wondering if you’re just throwing money at something that isn’t working.

The signs everyone talks about (and why they don’t tell the whole story)

Most coaches will point to the obvious stuff – your child can kick the ball further, they’re not crying when you drop them off anymore, or they’ve mastered that swimming stroke they’ve been working on. These are brilliant signs, don’t get me wrong, but they’re just the tip of the iceberg.

The problem is that physical improvements can plateau, and some children develop at completely different rates. Your mate’s child might be scoring goals left and right while yours is still working out which way to run, and that’s completely normal.

What actually matters more than you think

Here’s something interesting – research from the Youth Sport Trust’s Early Years Physical Activity Review (2023) found that developing fundamental movement skills alongside positive perceived physical competence predicts increased engagement in moderate-to-vigorous physical activity and decreased sedentary behaviour. In other words, it’s not just about getting better at the sport.

Watch how your child talks about themselves. Are they starting to say “I can’t do this yet” instead of “I’m rubbish at this”? That tiny shift in language is huge.

Listen for them using new words to describe what they’re learning. One headteacher, Janet Conley from St Finbar’s Catholic Primary School in Toxteth, noticed exactly this when her school introduced life skills through PE:

“We have found that it has already had a positive effect on their vocabulary, they are getting more daily exercise and any behaviour issues have also greatly improved.”

The sneaky signs of improvement you might miss

Your child asks fewer questions about what they’re supposed to be doing during activities. They’re not constantly looking around for reassurance or copying everyone else – they actually know what’s expected.

They start problem-solving on their own. Instead of immediately getting frustrated when something doesn’t work, they try a different approach or ask for specific help rather than just saying “I can’t do it.”

Watch their body language around other children. Are they more willing to partner up with different people, or do they seem more relaxed in group situations?

Beyond the physical stuff

This is where it gets really interesting, and where you’ll see the biggest changes that actually matter for their everyday life. The Youth Sport Trust’s PE Life Skills Award recognises that learning happens “beyond the physical to build character, confidence, and transferable skills” – and this applies whether your child is doing formal PE or weekend football.

Are they more willing to try new things at home? Maybe they’re attempting that tricky bit of homework they would have given up on before, or they’re more patient with their younger sibling.

Do they bounce back from disappointments more quickly? Not just sports disappointments, but everyday frustrations like losing at board games or making mistakes.

When to worry (and when not to)

Here’s the honest bit – sometimes children go backwards before they go forwards. They might seem less confident for a few weeks as they’re pushed slightly out of their comfort zone, and that’s often actually a good sign.

What you don’t want to see is your child becoming more withdrawn overall, consistently dreading sessions, or developing anxiety around the activity. If they’re regularly having meltdowns about going, that’s worth addressing.

Physical complaints that conveniently appear just before sessions might be their way of telling you something isn’t working. Don’t ignore the pattern, even if there’s nothing obviously wrong.

The conversation you should be having

Instead of asking “Did you have fun?” (which often gets a grunt), try asking what was different about today’s session. Children are brilliant at noticing small changes that adults miss.

Ask them what they found tricky and what felt easier than last time. This gives you a much better picture of their actual development than asking if they enjoyed it.

Find out what their favourite part was and why. Sometimes it’s not what you expect – maybe they loved helping set up equipment or enjoyed encouraging a teammate who was struggling.

The long game matters more than weekly wins

Research on successful early years physical development programmes shows they work best when they’re manageable (10-20 minutes per day), don’t require specialist equipment, and involve minimal training for the adults supporting them. The same principle applies to any activity your child does.

If your child is learning skills they can use outside of formal sessions – throwing and catching in the garden, being more confident on playground equipment, or showing better coordination getting dressed – that’s massive progress.

Look for improvements in how they handle challenges generally. Are they more persistent with difficult tasks, better at celebrating small wins, or more encouraging towards others?

What to do when progress stalls

First, remember that plateaus are completely normal and often mean your child is consolidating what they’ve learned before the next leap forward.

Have a chat with whoever is running the sessions. Good coaches and instructors expect these conversations and should be able to tell you specifically what they’re working on with your child and what they’ve noticed.

Consider whether your child needs a different type of challenge or support. Sometimes moving to a different group, trying a complementary activity, or just taking a short break can reignite their enthusiasm.

Remember, Football is a game of opinions!

Most people have an opinion as to who the best footballer ever is – Messi, Ronaldo, Pele Maradona… the list goes on! (N.B. they are all wrong as it’s Eric Cantona!) But if you ask anyone who the best sprinter is, most people will probably say Usain Bolt!

It’s fairly easy to see how your child is progressing in sports such as Swimming and Athletics – how fast does your child gets from A > B?

But Football is a game of opinions, and (very often) parents views are a little tainted by comparing their child to professional players.

Progress happens in TINY steps and I promise, you will notice their improvement more if you watch them less frequently! Skip 2/3 weeks every so often and you should notice a difference.

It’s a journey, not a destination

“Well that 12 year old is miles ahead of my son”. It’s a common trap parents fall into, but try to imagine your child’s development as a car journey.

Other kids might have started earlier….

Maybe they have put more fuel in the tank (i.e. do more!)

Perhaps they actively work on improving other parts of the car (i.e. fitness training, nutrition)

What kind of driver (coach) do they have at the wheel? Do they have the foot to the floor and risk burnout?

…and they might have been lucky and have a very fast car to start with!

Trust your instincts (they’re probably right)

You know your child better than anyone. If you’re seeing positive changes in their confidence, resilience, or willingness to try new things, that’s improvement happening right in front of you.

Don’t get too caught up in comparing them to other children or meeting arbitrary milestones. The child who takes longer to master the basics but develops genuine love for movement and challenge is often better off long-term than the one who picks things up quickly but never learns to persist through difficulties.

The best measure of whether it’s working? Your child feels capable, supported, and excited about what they might achieve next – even when things don’t go perfectly.